Hi Claire Bear,
Dad has never had the opportunity to discuss his feelings on mommy’s website about our angel. I want to take a couple minutes to say hi and tell you how much I Iove you and miss you.
I see there are lots of moms that do a great job of communicating their pain and experiences of losing a child. Not to many dads get to do that. It is pretty common to think that a father copes differently and deals with it on his own. That is true, I do deal with it differently. I use my work to focus on something that will lesson the frequency of hurting because you are not here with me. It works for me most of the time, which is good because my job is very important and I don’t like letting people down. Unfortunately, it doesn’t dampen the pain.
Years ago I learned a valuable lesson in pain management, take things day by day. My father told me that during a desperate time and it saved my life. I wish I would have had that ability to save yours. It is a bit different now. I see light at the end of the tunnel, but it only comes through being with you again. It doesn’t come on earth. So now I have to live the rest of my life with a huge void that will only be filled through being with you again. It is very painful. I miss you on a border-line crippling level. I don’t foresee it going away, I only know I can try and control the frequency, that way I can survive each day, one day at a time. Like my own father told me.I try to stay rational for those around me. Sometimes I fail.
I chose the above picture because Mother Teresa has been one of my inspirations in my life; there is no better image then to see her holding a child. I hope she has had the opportunity to hold you in heaven (one Saint holding another).
I will write you again sweetheart. I miss you so bad, writing this makes me cry, which I have not been able to do much. Please be with your mother and me. We are barely holding it together 3 months later and we try our best to hide it.
I love you, I miss you and I need you. I am so sorry I couldn’t save you.
Love Dad
